Thursday, January 21, 2010

What drives some women to engage in a pattern of disruptive relationships?

Like for example, say she dates some guy with no life, and then cheats on him with a similar codependent guy. And later she dates a married man and want him to divorce so he will marry her, but then they don't get married because he won't do it. Why would a woman think these types of relationships are OK? Is it something impossible to figure out just by theory? Or is this a type of personality?What drives some women to engage in a pattern of disruptive relationships?
I don't think you can know for sure just by theorizing. However, you can draw some conclusions about it. I would start with her family structure when she was growing up. What kind of father figure did she have? Was he in and out of her life? If so, she may sabotage her relationships so that she is the one who leaves and not the one who gets left anymore. What kind of role model was her mother? Did she parade a bunch of men through the home? Did her mother teach her how relationships are 'supposed' to be? This may be a learned behavior.

The common thread here is that these relationships are dysfunctional. In my opinion she definitely has a self-esteem issue. It may not stem from a defective role model. It may come from poor social skills, fear of success, sexual abuse/assault, physical abuse, and the list goes on. If you are trying to help her you need to be careful. If there is a traumatic event in her past she may need the help of someone who is trained to help in that kind of situation. If she really has suppressed something like that bringing it to the surface again could cause her to relive it again, and could traumatize her all over again.

I am leaning toward low self-esteem. Mostly because it's very common. I think it probably has to do with a non-trauma issue like fear of commitment, or she has deemed herself to be unworthy of someone who would truly love her. This is only a guess though. If you want to know you could always ask her. You may not get an honest answer, or she may tell you exactly why she does what she does. Either way I hope you find out what you want to know.What drives some women to engage in a pattern of disruptive relationships?
All experiences are to learn love, but when you follow societal thoughts that are not loving, that kind of stuff is what you get.

Consequences will teach her.

Those on the other end are also getting the needed consequences so they can learn.
I think they need some kind of drama in their life--to have a life.
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